School Inspector Gifts

Teacher to school inspector, "It's multi cultural and an oil drum around the neck keeps the little buggers out of mischief."

'I don't like to make assumptions, but something tells me they're not going to meet the required standards.'

'I'm afraid Miss Johnson has lost control of her class!'

The New Schools Policy In Full.

School Inspector

'Goodbye.'

'We encourage the children to write their own healthy menu.'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

Inspector of schools

"A review of standards would show how dumb the teachers are."

'True, the idea of school choice is to return education to the fundamentals of an earlier America, but not this early!'

School inspector passing class doors marked A B and C drugs.

So, Mr Tomkins what's this I hear about you building a 'Graffiti wall' for the kids to express themselves?

Pool attached to child's bed.

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

'I found the termites!'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"We'll get there when we get there!"

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'Mind you don't wake the baby.'

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'