Office Life Observer Gifts

'Unfortunately, it's fighting an uphill battle against our first name, which is 'Apathy.''

'I'm sorry. It appears Mr. Mitchell won't be accepting any more information today.'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Your ad said you were looking for a people person.'

'Washrooms are down the hall.'

Imagine how much work we could get done if we weren't always sitting around talking about how much work we could get done.

'In an effort to cut back on unnecessary expenses, I have decided not to pay your salaries.'

"My new marketing strategy is to sell stuff to you two."

'I really wish the landlord had never rented the floor above us to one of our competitors.'

Department of Redundancy Department.

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

'You cal it loyalty, we call it Stockholm Syndrome!'

'Put simply, we need our website to tell consumers all about our company without really telling them anything about our company,'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

"There's no need for alarm—the staff will be reduced, but only by attrition."

'We've got to upgrade our computer system. Downloading information on this one takes too long.'

"David won't be in today. He's been in an accident." "Did he give notice?"

'I'm sorry I'm late. I missed the 8.15...It was on time.'

'Thanks for the call madam...but that's actually their designated smoking room.'

"Should I be concerned by paycheck is in the form of a gift card?"

In case of panic, push button.

"He grovels very well. Let's give him his cost of living adjustment."

Terry had a computer bug.

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

Signs that your employee has won the lottery...

"In my life, failure isn't an option. It's a requirement."

'The problem is, you say no problem.'

"Sorry, Ted. I probably should have said 'spoiler alert' before I fired you."

'It's a salesman selling seven year old magazines for your waiting room.'

'We're looking for someone to work 40 hours to replace a man who didn't.'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so passe."

"God came to me in a dream and told me to cut my salary in half. Obviously it's a metaphor for something but I can't figure out what."

'Are you worried about layoffs?'

"Remember that requirement that you work without supervision? Forget it."

'Just five more minutes, sweetheart, okay?'