Ordinary Life Observer Gifts

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"It's his emotional support animal."

Terry had a computer bug.

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

'Long shift?'

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

Life and Death

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"Remember that requirement that you work without supervision? Forget it."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

'Put simply, we need our website to tell consumers all about our company without really telling them anything about our company,'

Maternity Hospital

Mice 25¢

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."