Everyday Observer Gifts

You have a photo album on your phone? Yeah, but most of the pictures are of things in my pocket.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

Terry had a computer bug.

'Anorak anoraks'.

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

Life and Death

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

Domestic Spying Drones

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Remember that requirement that you work without supervision? Forget it."

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

When the Job Market Shifts, Always Remember That It's All Your Fault

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"He was much more effective in the field."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

The world of surveillance.

'Put simply, we need our website to tell consumers all about our company without really telling them anything about our company,'

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Mice 25¢

In case of panic, push button.

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."