Life Observers Gifts

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"You're not the same pupa you were when we first met."

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

Life and Death

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"How can you cross the road so decisively? I have to stop halfway across every time to rethink it."

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Oh crap, my mood ring!"

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

Mice 25¢

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"Ooh, you’ve got a little piece of retiree caught in your teeth."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Maternity Hospital

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

Old Yarns

A spider meal prepping

"Johnson, I need you to stop hanging around and gossiping at the sanitizer station."

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

And make sure my daughter is back by 10pm: You really don't want to see me angry!

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"Better safe than sorry, son."