Modern Life Observers Gifts

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"Hey, you forgot the GoPro."

"I know we don't need any, but I feel like some instant gratification."

Desert island 'Help' cards

Last Stage of Human Evolution wonders "Where's my TV?"

Mice 25¢

We Are Now Accepting Menus

Wishing Well

Maternity Hospital

"The grapevine says I have e-mail. Can I borrow your cell phone to read it?"

"To save the inconvenience of future muggings would you be interested in setting up an online payment facility?"

The pig issue.

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Life and Death

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"He was much more effective in the field."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.