Modern Living Observer Gifts

'You'll have to excuse me. I'm not used to talking to people, in real-time, without using a mobile device.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

Selfie Stick

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Life and Death

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

You won't believe what happens in circle 6!! Dante's Inferno updated.

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

Waiting Room

Mice 25¢

Maternity Hospital

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"If you want to know why I fired you, you can subscribe to my blog."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"Your sister got another promotion."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"Daddy says God created Eve out of Adam´s spare credit card!"

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

Old Yarns

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."