Modern Life Observation Gifts

"You see? Once more, Wile E. Coyote is restored swiftly and miraculously to health. His potential trauma has been trivialized, and we are yet again amused."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

A baseball player is too busy checking his smartphone to catch a ball.

Life and Death

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

You trip on it, you buy it.

You won't believe what happens in circle 6!! Dante's Inferno updated.

Down on Bourbon Street...

"He was much more effective in the field."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

Mice 25¢

Maternity Hospital

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

Will Kill For Food

"Your sister got another promotion."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

Street: The Magazine for Homeless People

"Please help! God struck me blind for not giving to a blind beggar."

Danger Quicksand