Office Antics Analyst Gifts

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"What's your occupation?"

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

'See Dick sleep on job. See Dick get fired.'

"He worked his way up from the mail room...from licking stamps to kissing butt."

"You may ask your questions only when I call your name. Don't waste my time with chit-chat. I don't have all day. Got that?"

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

'I don't know what he's doing or why he's doing it, but by golly, I love his work ethic.'

Office Competitions

"Just great...on my first day on the job."

"Guess who's going to be on national television apologizing to the American public."

"Your wife's on the phone...."

Sleeping at the computer.

'...How can I trust you to handle multimillion-dollar accounts if you can't even spin a basketball on your fingertip?'

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

That's a great suggestion, Harris, unfortunately I'm not open to suggestions right now.

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

'Very good job! I would like to show my appreciation in a practical way...Hip,hip hooray!'

Secretary

"He seized the day again. Now how do we get it back?"

Out and In.

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'Well, that's a helluva great business plan... What have you done before you founded a management consultancy, Mr... umh... Smith?'

'Hello? IT? Yes, there's been a breach in security and I'm concerned about unauthorised access to my personal details.'

"Don't forget to torch the place when you leave."

"Phelps, I hope I'm not insulting you when I say you're an incompetent nincompoop."

"It's wearing a bit thin now, Peterson."

Fun at the Office # 729: MEMO FANATICS IN THE HALL

Office block moving to the suburbs.