Office Antics Enjoyer Gifts

"Your wife's on the phone...."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"And where have you previously moused?"

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

'Face it, we're never going to reach a consensus.'

Should not have put that suggestion in the suggestion box.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"What's your occupation?"

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"Confounded spell checker... never catches anything."

'It's not fair. Women doing the same job I'm doing in this office are being paid more than I am!'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

Batsford doesn't suffer fools gladly.

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"It's a shame, excellent recommendations and a superb skill set but lacks the boiling hot all consuming ambition and ruthless desire for self promotion required as head of stationary procurement."

'Hawaii can wait. These reports cannot.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

We have a nice selection of office artifacts, a typewriter, carbon paper, ashtrays, our CEO's last handwritten memo...

"Next on the agenda: How can we crush workers' spirit, while appearing to care?"

'I have power - but it's not the kind that's easy to abuse.'

"I want one of those. He takes notes and DOODLES at the same time."