Office Antics Lover Gifts

Dave began to question the new secretary's competency when he found her using rubber gloves to avoid computer viruses.

"It's the terrifying story of a publisher brutally murdered by an author who had his book rejected."

'Hello? IT? Yes, there's been a breach in security and I'm concerned about unauthorised access to my personal details.'

"Just ignore him, we retired him last week."

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

"You can't just go around calling a goose 'silly' nowadays."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'What's wrong now?'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'You can drop all the hints you like, Jones. We're not buying you a computer.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

'I give this one about three months...'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is, none of us will be alive then.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

'We will not kick the can down the road... Does anyone know how to use a can opener?'

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

'As a CEO, I stand up for our rights. You've got the right to work 17 hours a day and if you don't do it, I've got the right to fire you.'