Workplace Antics Fan Gifts

'You can't fire me cause I'm incompetent. That's discrimination against idiots!'

"You may ask your questions only when I call your name. Don't waste my time with chit-chat. I don't have all day. Got that?"

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"What's your occupation?"

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

'I'm on the way to a meeting. Go back to whatever you weren't doing.'

Group of people.

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

'I don't know what he's doing or why he's doing it, but by golly, I love his work ethic.'

"He worked his way up from the mail room...from licking stamps to kissing butt."

The Hive, Inc. Think safety! 17 days without a honey boo-boo.

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

Office Competitions

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

'Its simple: we're the nanotechnology department.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'