Workplace Antics Fan Gifts

'You can't fire me cause I'm incompetent. That's discrimination against idiots!'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"What's your occupation?"

"Why, if it isn't Henshaw caught in the Overtime Warp again."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'This is going to be good, he's taking water balloons into the board meeting.'

Group of people.

'I'm on the way to a meeting. Go back to whatever you weren't doing.'

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"He worked his way up from the mail room...from licking stamps to kissing butt."

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

'I don't know what he's doing or why he's doing it, but by golly, I love his work ethic.'

Office Competitions

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

'Its simple: we're the nanotechnology department.'

'I have to make your life miserable. I'm in management.'

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

Now Hiring, 'I was about to ask him if he could work without supervision, when he just wandered away!'