Offbeat Lifestyle Admirer Gifts

'And I'm most proud of my collection of odds and ends.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

'Okay, lifestyles of the rich and famouse, start that motor and get us into some shade.'

Turtle Trailer Court

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"I'm prescribing a mild sedative. Go wine shopping and get yourself a nice Chablis."

"How much?! Blimey, to get my money's worth, I'd need to use it EVERY WEEK!"

REPENT! Get back to nature

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

'He's strictly an indoor cat.'

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

'Can anybody here separate their fingers and if so will you pour?'

"Living underground is not what it used to be."

Self checkout and 'selfie' check out at a store.

'Enough about your losing portfolio. Let me tell you about my vacation home in the Hamptons...'

What do you tell someone who asks you what kind of work you do?

"Miss Penny to inquire about the tardiness of evening kibble."

"It's our best seller. Perfect for sitting idly by."

Girl reads a book called Speed Texting For Everyday Use

"That's Fred. He was raised by bats..."

'What are they, men or women? I don't know, they're not wearing clothes.'

'Ever think that if you make another billion you'll be happy, and then you do, but you're not?'

'I'm a mantis. but not the praying sort.'

I think the couch potatoes are going to make you their poster boy. Only if they send a photographer over --- I'm not moving.

Lifestyles of the rich and swinish.

Summer Road Work

Trilby - 'An atmosphere of bank-notes and gold'.

How very Hampstead!

Nudist Colony Halloween Parties

'It's a vegetarian cave painting.'

I like him. He makes me almost laugh.

"No! No! I said 'virgin', NOT 'vegan' !"