Offbeat Humor Lover Gifts

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

'Can you see anything in her? I certainly can't.'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Push Button for Moonie.

"What do you think of our new offering buckets Preacher?"

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Look! No hands!"

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Hammer

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"You are still here."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Where Are They Now?'

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

"I'll have dessert first."

Eugene Ionesco

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

Help! Send fishing tackle!

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

Ink Eraser

New anti-obesity cookbook.

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

Healthy Eating Casualties