Offbeat Humor Lover Gifts

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

'Can you see anything in her? I certainly can't.'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Push Button for Moonie.

"What do you think of our new offering buckets Preacher?"

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Look! No hands!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

The Hammer

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"You are still here."

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

'Where Are They Now?'

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

"I'll have dessert first."

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

Eugene Ionesco

Help! Send fishing tackle!

Infection Control Center. Now Hiring. I should have said "I'm not afraid of hard work" rather than "I don't mind getting my hands dirty."

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

That's It

Ink Eraser

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."