Lovers Of Offbeat Humor Gifts

Hitchhiking with monetary incentive

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'We have to forfeit, Three of our players got squashed on the way over here,'

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

Alien asking for Bernard manning's autograph

Ink Eraser

'I used to chase cars. Now I chase yield.'

'Have a good day? No thank you. I had other plans.'

"No Eric, you're NOT funny haha. . . you're funny peculiar. . !"

Cow Pat Planning

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

"I told you not to order the Zamboni."

Ice fisherman using plunger to catch fish

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

"The cod's off, but you can have whale and chips."

'Now THERE'S a friendship I've never quite understood. That's Ludwig van Beethoven on the left, with Harvey Fernquist, the inventor of telephone 'hold' music!'

The one thing that drives elephants wild is sickeningly sweet elevator music.

"You're going to fit right in here at the firm."

If Only Magazine: The Pot Belly Is In!

Snowmen during the Stone Age...

"Whoa whoa whoa, I haven't even told you my safe word yet!"

'How long shall we wait until we start eating each other?'

"It's just not the same."

'We can mail these thank you cards now that I've forged your name.'

"I'm a freelance radiologist."

'There's no easy way to tell you this Mr.Lymtop...But i'm afraid you have an inoperable brain tuna.'

'Your toilet isn't working!! Can you hold?'

Rorschach multiple-choice test.

"D'you know I believe you're right - there isn't any water in here!"

Feces on a stick (huge street vender fly selling shit)