Offbeat Humor Fan Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: clamps

If Only Magazine: The Pot Belly Is In!

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Trump Poutine

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Pastry Hat

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

Winter Weather.

'More government surveillance!'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

Boomerang cow.

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

Moses unblocking the toilet.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

The Thinker?

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

"He is walking from 'Lands end to John'o'Groats', virtually."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

How men process questions.

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''