Offbeat Humor Fan Gifts

101 uses of a dead cat: clamps

If Only Magazine: The Pot Belly Is In!

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

Pastry Hat

Trump Poutine

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Winter Weather.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'More government surveillance!'

Boomerang cow.

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

The Thinker?

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

How men process questions.

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Germany: willingness for anti-corona vaccination decreases!

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."