Oceanic Birthing Gifts

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

Baby Piano

My First Camera

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

A midwife holding a baby

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Children's artwork exhibition.

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."