Oceanic Birthing Mugs

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Cry babies.

My First Camera

Baby Piano

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A midwife holding a baby

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"That's not how I sat on you."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Children's artwork exhibition.

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

Lamb Noise.