Occasional Matchmaker Pillows

"If you like I can set you up with a bullet I dodged."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Today's love

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Sidekick speed matching service.

Carbon Dating Agency

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'