Ocarina Novice Gifts

"It's true I can't play the ocarina. But why is that on my performance review?"

"First time pruning?"

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

Today we learned to count to one.

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

The Inexperienced Cook

"I'm surprised, Caswell. I thought you were a happy camper."

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

"I packed the cooking gear like you told me, Dad...where do I plug it in?"

'Alex we talked about this, you can't bring live things home from the lake. . . no buts, they don't want to leave the lake. Let your little friends go.'

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

"Despite countless assurances from his wife, mother and 'foodie' friends, Ed still did not trust the crock pot."

"Cupcakes for the judge? You're new here, aren't you?"

'So this is a kitchen!'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

The not-so-living wall

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

Napkin Writer

'I'm fixing breakfast - how do you like your eggs, black or dark brown?'

"Baldo, if you want good Latino food...all you have to do is ask."

"I've discovered I don't have a head for figures."

'Let's face it,Edgar.you and mother nature don't have anything in common.'

Sick wife teaches husband to use can-opener

'Where do we keep the boiling water?'

"First date. You'd think she would have done something about her eraser."

If I learn how to write Roman Numerals, will that help me write computer code?