Novice Cook Gifts

"Despite countless assurances from his wife, mother and 'foodie' friends, Ed still did not trust the crock pot."

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

Horn of Leftovers

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

"Voila!...smooth pastry." (Lady teaching chef to iron dough).

"Oh we're fine, my husbands just learning to cook during the quarantine."

"Well-done, alright?"

The Inexperienced Cook

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

"What's cookin', Tia Carmen?"

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

Recipes.

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

"My compliments to Mummy!"

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

"Damn, I forgot to get her kugel recipe."

French man holding a dish.

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

'It's going great, hon. I'm just about to stuff the turkey.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

Husband does the cooking

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"My husband and I have decided to share each other's interests. He's at home burning the dinner."

"Look what I found on sale! Measuring cups to use for all your recipes!"

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

"Other than leaving the lid off the blender, I think my first smoothie went rather well!"