Recipe Novice Gifts

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"Oh we're fine, my husbands just learning to cook during the quarantine."

'Diet considerations.'

"I'm unable to process this image."

The Inexperienced Cook

"Was there a photo in the recipe book? I'd love to see what it's meant to look like."

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

The Nervous Gourmet:Low-Risk Chicken

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

"That is why you don't put 'instant rice' in a slow cooker."

"Despite countless assurances from his wife, mother and 'foodie' friends, Ed still did not trust the crock pot."

"I'm making Thanksgiving dinner this year. Do you have Turkey Helper?"

'I'm sorry Jimmy, but the results of your tests show that you're not allergic to vegetables.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"My husband and I have decided to share each other's interests. He's at home burning the dinner."

"I try not to be picky, but this meal is a bit too sticky!"

Husband does the cooking

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

'Thanksgiving dinner will be ready some time in February.'

"Other than leaving the lid off the blender, I think my first smoothie went rather well!"

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

"Mom is learning a new potion from the witch channel."

'Where do we keep the boiling water?'

'I'm fixing breakfast - how do you like your eggs, black or dark brown?'

'Ok. We've tried monkey's paw, eye of newt, bat's blood and raven's claw.'

"Baldo, if you want good Latino food...all you have to do is ask."

Sick wife teaches husband to use can-opener