Nursing Home Staff Gifts

'Shady Acres Nursing Home - Stockbroker on duty in case social security is privatized.'

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

At the piranhas retirement home (teeth in a jar next to fish tank).

The Healthcare System is Demented

"Give her a minute, she just got back from visiting her parents' retirement home and found out they have giant tricycles."

"Hey - quiet down - can't you see we're conducting serious business here?!"

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"Last Christmas."

"Would it be asking too much for you all to creak together?"

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Dancing Doctor

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

Handle With Care

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

"This will be a tricky operation."

'I do need your bed, Mr. Davies, for me, I'm shattered after working twenty-six hours non stop.'

Evolving Changes in Medical Lingo

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'