Nursing Home Gifts

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

Dancing Doctor

Keyworker

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

'What's holding him up?'

'Next!'

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"She's the best nit nurse this school has ever seen."

"We'll have someone to help you as soon as we've recruited and trained them. Shouldn't be more than 5 or 6 years!"

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

"I don't leave home without it!"