Nursing Homes Gifts

"My bottom went to sleep."

''Heaven's Waiting' Retirement Home? . . . 'We care for your parents so you don't have to.''

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

'Next!'

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?"

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

'Be assured about you mother's memory - we back up all the residents onto hard disk once a week.'

'You're always bragging about what a good actor you are, so why don't you act your age?!'

Gen X in the Golden Years.

"Now when I was a lad..."

"You really miss the old grandfather, don't you dear."

The elderly found the new remote control much easier to use.

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

'Shady Acres Nursing Home - Stockbroker on duty in case social security is privatized.'

The Curate Visits the Patients

"Fall prevention!"

"April Fool's on her!"

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

Care for the elderly.

'To summarise the tariffs, sympathy is £19/day, empathy £27 and obsequy £34.'

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

"Last Christmas."

"There's just something about a smooth-talking 80-something I can't resist."

It's 10 PM Do You Know Where Your Parents Are?

'Life has been good to me. All these years, and I've never lost my keys and I never lost my wallet.'

"Hey - quiet down - can't you see we're conducting serious business here?!"

"When your mother starts usin electric eels to boil the jug it's time to consider alternative arrangements."