Nursing Homes Gifts

"My bottom went to sleep."

''Heaven's Waiting' Retirement Home? . . . 'We care for your parents so you don't have to.''

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

'Next!'

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?"

Weather channel.

Old Frogs' Home

"He thinks it's the weather channel."

James Bond: Senior Years.

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

'Mr. Franklin. What did I tell you about wheelies in the hallway?'

'Be assured about you mother's memory - we back up all the residents onto hard disk once a week.'

'You're always bragging about what a good actor you are, so why don't you act your age?!'

Gen X in the Golden Years.

"You really miss the old grandfather, don't you dear."

"Bad boys don't die. They just ride in to the sunset!"

"Now when I was a lad..."

The elderly found the new remote control much easier to use.

'Shady Acres Nursing Home - Stockbroker on duty in case social security is privatized.'

The Curate Visits the Patients

Blah-blah black sheep, three old bags full.

"Fall prevention!"

"April Fool's on her!"

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

'To summarise the tariffs, sympathy is £19/day, empathy £27 and obsequy £34.'

Care for the elderly.

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

It's 10 PM Do You Know Where Your Parents Are?

"Last Christmas."

"There's just something about a smooth-talking 80-something I can't resist."

Medicare for All? That's Not Nearly Enough

"Hey - quiet down - can't you see we're conducting serious business here?!"

"When your mother starts usin electric eels to boil the jug it's time to consider alternative arrangements."