Nursing Home Residency Gifts

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"Gross."

'Next!'

"Turn your head and cough."

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?"

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

The importance of paying attention in med school.

'Come die with me.'

"Okay, I've got lousy bedside manner, but I draw a smiley faces on all your prescriptions."

Doctor sleeps in a patients bed.

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'You're always bragging about what a good actor you are, so why don't you act your age?!'

'Be assured about you mother's memory - we back up all the residents onto hard disk once a week.'

Gen X in the Golden Years.

"Over here, by the whatchanacalalit...somebody get the anatomy book."

"If you find anything else wrong, just go ahead and fix it."

"Now when I was a lad..."

"You really miss the old grandfather, don't you dear."

"Would you like to make a contribution to the old folks home?" "Sure, when can I bring him in?"

The Curate Visits the Patients

"My bottom went to sleep."

"According to these results, I shouldn't have gone to Med School in Grenada."

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

"Fall prevention!"

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

'To summarise the tariffs, sympathy is £19/day, empathy £27 and obsequy £34.'

Practice Makes Perfect