Funeral Home Staff Gifts

'I don't care if you were in the wine auction business, before coming here - they're coffins, not original wooden cases.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Handle With Care

Joint Ventures!

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

'...And then, apparently, it just went berserk when someone insisted on having 'Podcast'.'

"Put him back and go and make your own guy!"

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

Home for Seniors.

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

'Grave rage Vicar, we get a lot of it now.'

Bug Funerals

Mt. Moriah Church Senior Citizens

'Shady Acres Nursing Home - Stockbroker on duty in case social security is privatized.'

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

To protest the lousy food at the nursing home, the guys, just like back in the day, staged a 'sit-in'. Unfortunately, nobody noticed.

Dog Park and Pet Funeral Home.

"Time to knock off for lunch?"

Gravedigger

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

'We've been invited to a black tie do - your mother has died, dear.'

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

Ignitas

Undertakers' supermarket.

'To summarise the tariffs, sympathy is £19/day, empathy £27 and obsequy £34.'