Funeral Home Staff T-Shirts

'I don't care if you were in the wine auction business, before coming here - they're coffins, not original wooden cases.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Joint Ventures!

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"He may be 90 but he's got the body of an 85 year old."

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

"We're trying to give geriatrics a sexier image..."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

'...And then, apparently, it just went berserk when someone insisted on having 'Podcast'.'

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

"Put him back and go and make your own guy!"

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

'Grave rage Vicar, we get a lot of it now.'

"You fool! This isn't embalming fluid, this is my coffee."

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

Bug Funerals

Mt. Moriah Church Senior Citizens

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

'Shady Acres Nursing Home - Stockbroker on duty in case social security is privatized.'

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

Dog Park and Pet Funeral Home.

To protest the lousy food at the nursing home, the guys, just like back in the day, staged a 'sit-in'. Unfortunately, nobody noticed.

"Time to knock off for lunch?"

Gravedigger

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

'We've been invited to a black tie do - your mother has died, dear.'

'- and how does the graveyard shift appeal to you?'

Ignitas

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

'To summarise the tariffs, sympathy is £19/day, empathy £27 and obsequy £34.'

Undertakers' supermarket.

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"