Funeral Services Gifts

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"We're about to go live. Prepare to mourn in 10. . . 9. . . 8. . ."

The revival meeting.

My Child is an Honor Roll Student At the Alax School of Embalming.

Gravedigger

Funeral Directors signs say 'Sale - Shop till you drop!'

". . . ashes to ashes, dust to dust, a handful of ground coriander, the zest of a lemon. . ."

"The DIY Embalming Centre"

The final stage of Terminal Political Correctness.

Bug Funerals

Black Widow's husband.

Undertakers Pole

Checkout.

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

Dog Park and Pet Funeral Home.

Fester & Sons Funeral Home: 'Ashes to ashes.'

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

"We were out of embalming fluid so we stuffed your wife with wild rice."

"She looks so natural, although I prefer cremation."

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

He looks so natural lying there...

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'He was a great writer'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Life and Death

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."