Burial Services Gifts

"Will that be all, sir?"

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

He looks so natural lying there...

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"Good old Frank. He was always thinking of others."

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

Cricketer's funeral

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

Jerry Garcia, RIP

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

A grave with an anchor and periscope

'He always said he wouldn't be seen dead with his shirt outside his trousers - he'll be livid.'

Headstone reading 'Only Sleeping'.

"The family has spent all week crafting a beautiful service of words and pictures - far too sentimental to be of practical use."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

Dead Man's Handel

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."

Undertaker's Flower Box.

Existence 2.0

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

"Harold died happy knowing he gained a certain immortality through social media."

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"