Funerals Gifts

'He insisted on taking it with him.'

The eulogy was beautiful, although the question-answer period was rather odd.

'I prearranged and prepaid my funeral. I shouldn't have to stand in line.'

"His last request was that we close the casket before you begin."

"Harry insisted on doing everything himself."

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

Drove the nurses crazy.

Funeral Home: Gone to a better place ? Back in one hour.

The mortician's lunch-box.

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'I know you have a technical background, but here we call them caskets, not 'dropdown boxes.'

'I know he didn't pay his bills, but let's get the lien off the coffin.'

'He just snapped.'

'Stop complaining. You knew I was a funeral director when you married me.'

Undertaker to mourning woman: 'For instance, we just customized one for a lawyer. He was buried in paperwork.'

"He's in denial."

Stretch Casket

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

I was at his side when he passed away. But if the cops ask, say I was with you.

Dinosaur Funeral Director

"I wish he could have been here to hear all those wonderful lies they told about him."

Hearse with a 'doctor on call' sign in the window

Chicken Funerals.

"The death of a businessperson is especially sad."

"I think Republicans and Democrats alike can agree that Frank Shustermann is dead."

"In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you advocate for a violent overthrow of the government."

Dead Man's Handel

'I can hear voices...we're nearly free.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

'Dead People carrier'

'I demand a second opinion' - notice from coffin

The undertaker.

'He loved that dog.'

"It's less a funeral and more a celebration of his death."