Funerals Gifts

'He insisted on taking it with him.'

The eulogy was beautiful, although the question-answer period was rather odd.

'I prearranged and prepaid my funeral. I shouldn't have to stand in line.'

"His last request was that we close the casket before you begin."

"Harry insisted on doing everything himself."

Drove the nurses crazy.

Funeral Home: Gone to a better place ? Back in one hour.

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

The mortician's lunch-box.

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'I know you have a technical background, but here we call them caskets, not 'dropdown boxes.'

'I know he didn't pay his bills, but let's get the lien off the coffin.'

Undertaker to mourning woman: 'For instance, we just customized one for a lawyer. He was buried in paperwork.'

Clown's casket has extensions for big shoes.

'He just snapped.'

"He's in denial."

'Stop complaining. You knew I was a funeral director when you married me.'

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Stretch Casket

The four hearsemen with the Alpaca lips.

Chicken Funerals.

'You don't have to be sad to work here, but it helps!'

Hearse with a 'doctor on call' sign in the window

"I wish he could have been here to hear all those wonderful lies they told about him."

I was at his side when he passed away. But if the cops ask, say I was with you.

Dinosaur Funeral Director

"In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you advocate for a violent overthrow of the government."

'Dead People carrier'

Dead Man's Handel

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

'I demand a second opinion' - notice from coffin

The undertaker.

"The death of a businessperson is especially sad."

"I think Republicans and Democrats alike can agree that Frank Shustermann is dead."

'I can hear voices...we're nearly free.'