Funeral Ceremonies Gifts

Cremation today of Phil Phagash - much loved tobacconist of this parish.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"All we have left is standing room only."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

He looks so natural lying there...

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'He loved that dog.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'He was a great writer'

'The correct response, Tanya, is 'I do' not 'yeah, whatever'.'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Folk Wedding

Life and Death

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Life after death

'Does my head look big in this?'

'Sorry, I always cry at weddings...'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

2pm meet your Creator

'He never listened to his mother!'

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'