Funeral Customs Gifts

'I feel ridiculous!'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

Mr. Polly Parrot's eulogy: 'He's dead. He's passed on. . . he has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a past parrot. . .'

'Ed was claustrophobic'

Cat in Hearse

I've never been a mourning person."

"Bradford was more of a death recliner than a death bed kind of guy."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

"All we have left is standing room only."

He looks so natural lying there...

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'He was a great writer'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Life and Death

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Life after death

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

Cricketer's funeral

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

2pm meet your Creator

Ventriloquist Grave

A man in a little rowboat goes to his grave.