Funeral Customs Gifts

'I feel ridiculous!'

'This sucks. Let's try and start the wave.'

"Now there's one less conspiracy theorist in the world - or is there?"

"They’re burying him with his Xanax."

Mr. Polly Parrot's eulogy: 'He's dead. He's passed on. . . he has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a past parrot. . .'

'Ed was claustrophobic'

At the funeral of the inventor of the hotdog bun.

Cat in Hearse

I've never been a mourning person."

"Am I crazy, or did he just text me 'I'm in a @#$% box. Send help'?"

"Bradford was more of a death recliner than a death bed kind of guy."

He looks so natural lying there...

"All we have left is standing room only."

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'He loved that dog.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

'He was a great writer'

'What - no internet? No USB ports? No socket for the coffee machine? No phone? Are you crazy? My husband was a very important CEO!'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

It is believed dear Jack finally figured out women. Trouble is, he died laughing before he could tell anybody.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

Life after death

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

Life and Death

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

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"I feel terrible admitting this, but I'm sort of glad he's dead. One less thing to keep track of."

'At least they did a good job on him.'

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

'He never listened to his mother!'

'He's a conspiracy theorist - he refuses to believe that Great Aunt Mildred is really dead.'