Nursery Maid Gifts

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

The Baby Walker

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

"Look Mommy, hat!"

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

'The child is very illogical'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

Coping with a strong-willed child

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"I'm bored."

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Fertility goddess. Nanny goddess.