Numbers Bender Gifts

How to talk to a mathematically untalented boss.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

Black hole setting

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Fat Kid 28- Discovers his feminine side

Pi fight!

Boys Cooking

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

Gender-Neutral Rapunzel

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'They're called 'numbers' -- Now we can have public opinion polls!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."