Numbers Bender Pillows

How to talk to a mathematically untalented boss.

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

Eric Clapton.

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Black hole setting

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'Mr Rombly has cancelled his appointment. The Dow is up and he's feeling no pain.'

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

Boys Cooking

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Pi fight!

Fat Kid 28- Discovers his feminine side

'Frankly, I'm a little concerned.'

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

Gender-Neutral Rapunzel

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."