Reality Benders Pillows

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Black hole setting

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

Fat Kid 28- Discovers his feminine side

Boys Cooking

'Sorry, Jimmy... our school has a strict 'don't show, don't tell' policy!'

Gender-Neutral Rapunzel

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

"It's a cross between pop and rap. We call it 'pap.'"

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'I know it's difficult to stay in compliance, with everything, Ferguson, but this is ridiculous!'

Transgender Bathroom Debate

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Fun on the pyramids