Age Bender Gifts

The Fountain of Youth.

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Alternative fielding positions

Eric Clapton.

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'I'm into New Age. My new age is 26.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

Memoirs: Fiction/Non Fiction.

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

"I may be an aged whiskey, but inside I still feel like a fresh ear of corn!"

Boys Cooking

Fat Kid 28- Discovers his feminine side

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'Interactive TV news.'

Gender-Neutral Rapunzel

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

'So this is what you do while I'm away,'

The Eclectic Chair

'If this is your true age, then you're the youngest case of senility I've ever seen.'

How To Cut The Defense Budget

If middle-age birthday cards were honest...

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

"It's a cross between pop and rap. We call it 'pap.'"

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

"And now, let us view sitcom star Donnie J. Kroft's reading of his will, which was videotaped before a live studio audience."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'