Time Bender Gifts

Please take a number if it will make you feel any better.

'At the tone, the time will be LATER THAN YOU THINK.'

Efficiency Experts, Inc. Knock while entering.

'With her time management, she needs the cycle.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Eric Clapton.

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Black hole setting

The ride with the shortest lines at disneyworld...

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

"I warned you about putting funny stuff on the ball, Flanagan."

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

Boys Cooking

"As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time..."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

"It seems that your body is adjusting itself to the amount of multitasking you've been doing."

Bureau of the Budget. If we serve alphabet soup, we can count it as a lunch program and a literacy program!

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Fun on the pyramids

'I'll have three of those trout, but throw them to me. . . I want to tell the wife I caught them.'

'Never shoot straight up.'

'I said you could have ONE cookie!' 'I know. I took two HALF moon cookies...'

Recombinant DNA Lab. It's a Rhinocerose!