Time Bender Gifts

Please take a number if it will make you feel any better.

'At the tone, the time will be LATER THAN YOU THINK.'

'With her time management, she needs the cycle.'

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'

Alternative fielding positions

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'There are lies, damn lies, and statistics. We're looking for someone who can make all three of these work for us.'

Black hole setting

'Hold it Billy - There are no praying mantises in school.'

'I thought forty is the new thirty.'

"Sorry, eighty is not the new sixty-five."

Boys Cooking

"As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time..."

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

"Let's just say my teacher and I agreed to disagree."

'Great! Now we're getting pulled over! I TOLD you that was a lint trap back there, but did you listen? Noooo!'

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."

'What? I'm behind the barriers, aren't I?'

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

"It seems that your body is adjusting itself to the amount of multitasking you've been doing."

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

'But, I'm not fishing. I'm just teaching my pet maggot how to swim.'

Fun on the pyramids

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

'My ambition is to discover the Great American Loophole.'

'I'll have three of those trout, but throw them to me. . . I want to tell the wife I caught them.'

'Where in the rules does it say I can't keep a mascot in the goals?'

'I've taken my knowledge of science and math and applied them to fashion to produce a wardrobe that's guaranteed to malfunction to get you the most possible publicity.'