Time Travel Tinkerer Gifts

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

'He's so behind the times - his Hot Line is rotary!'

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Meet the scribe"

Historical memory is on life support.

Moses on the web

"We're following Carrot Top."

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

'That's about it so far, Son.'

The Missing Sock Returns

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

Second hand furniture.

E=mc2.

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Einstein develops his theories that time is relative while ordering at a fast food restaurant.

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

Time for vacation, time for work.

"While you were working on fire, I was working on my satellite. Once we figure out how to launch it into the heavens, other inventions will follow, like phones, GPS, weather predictions. . ."

"Please! No harmonizing during ululations!"

"Early model of baggage claim"

'I'd say it's six of one and one half doxen of the other.'

"Damn. I took the Rip Van Nyquil."

"About how if the dark ages never happened we'd be so much more technologically advanced by now."

'You know what they say - 'Those who don't learn the lessons of history are doomed to go to summer school.''

Danger Slow Sand.

"I'm going to prove that Math comes in handy later in life."

'This new game isn't working out -- the ball keeps running away.'

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"I don't know who you are!"

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

'I like the history professor but I think he's mired in the past.'

The power of now