Language Bender Gifts

'That's like, so random!' (teenager reading about the laws of chance)

A Puppet Named Juan

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Thru versus Through Traffic

I will study my speling words...

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"You and your, 'why bother to learn another language. Everyone in the known universe speaks, Zarconian'!"

Punctuation Police

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'Mr. Dawson, about when I said 'don't pull any punches'...'

Someone who knows apostrophes

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"Damn - another letter to the editor."

What's normal?

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

"If Google Translate is correct, they want our women and our cattle."

'The Questioner'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

Wok. Don't Wok.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

'Hey! Hey! You need a trout stamp! Where's your trout stamp?!'