Novelty Item Fanatic T-Shirts

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"I did the math. If we want to read all of Proust in this lifetime, we have to start tomorrow morning."

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

"This new phone app for opening the beer is great, Bruce!"

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

It's great for pulling the birds!

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

'Now what?!'

'These new metal detectors are great!'

Who'd have guessed that the season's mast have item would be big springy shoes.

'Please enter your pin now.'

'We have a tour every hour, on the hour, Sir...'

Barry gradually realised that buying a small car had its disadvantages

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

Leaking backpack.

"Krazy straw"

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

"Rats! It doesn't work...but why?? Why??!!"

The Old Curiosity Shop

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'

Spontaneous Combustion Man - Open with care

Thinks Bob: At last, the most practical house pet since the goldfish.

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

"Leftovers"

Drinking Hats

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

101 uses of a dead cat: desk spike