Novelty Item Aficionado T-Shirts

'We have a tour every hour, on the hour, Sir...'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Wilson, I built this company from scratch!"

"So, do you want balls that only go up, or ones that only go down?"

"Thanks—I got it off Amazon."

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

'Now what?!'

'Please enter your pin now.'

'These new metal detectors are great!'

Who'd have guessed that the season's mast have item would be big springy shoes.

The Hooligan.

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

"Krazy straw"

Pam collected ceramic pigs. Just one so far, but even that seemed like too many.

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

Spontaneous Combustion Man - Open with care

Thinks Bob: At last, the most practical house pet since the goldfish.

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

Drinking Hats

Shoppers of Mystery.

'Turkey dot com.'

'Yes dear, matching novelty t-shirts.'

"Oh my Gosh...I nearly sheeped my pants."

'You are here' T-shirt,

"I'm a hunter-gatherer-hoarder."

Dog with toilet drink hat.

'Could I borrow your giant scissors for a minute? I cancelled payment on this giant check and I need to cut it up.'

'This is the jewel in my collection. My invisible man figurine!'

"You must be the new guy!"

"It's a belly button ring with a coaster to hold your beer!"

'I'll be honest it has a few flaws...'