Notification Buff Pillows

"I know, I know. I already got your text, your email, and that robocall on the home phone."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"They grow up so fast."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Taking Credit after Voting against Stimulus

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

Obsession with the Internet.

Our Two Parties, Explained

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

DUNVOTIN

Europe and immigration.

Local News in Heaven

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

Rock and a Hard Place

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

Battery Lighthouse

Newspaper suicide.

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Bush and his exit 'strategery'

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

The boy who cried Wolf Blitzer,

Ian Hislop

"I'm a stable genius!"

"That does it! ISIS is defeated."

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

Redacted Funnies: "Finally, the President blurted out what the country knew all along. . . . . . "

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"