News Buff Pillows

"Stop - that Trump cartoon you came up with this morning just happened."

'Unconfirmed reports suggest that there may have been a breakdown in communication.'

"Our top story: bloody conflict, secret meeting, auto recall, drive-by shooting, more staff cuts, medical breakthrough. We'll be back as soon as we decide."

Slanted media coverage.

'It says here, the world is heading for a cashless society. I always thought you and I were way ahead of our time!'

North American Newspaper Industry.

Journalist flooding an area

'Stocks edged higher on news that predictions of armageddon are premature...'

'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'

Police stalk Killer / Killer accuses police of stalking.

UN Rescue

The Optimists Channel: Today, in stocks...there's good news if you believe adversity makes you stronger.

'In economic news, stocks and interest rates declined, but the decimal point stayed steady.'

'The economy today got a boost from Alan Greenspan, who said it's O.K. to be irrationally exuberant.'

' 'I'm helping Science with Pride'... Hey, I've never said that!'

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

Europe and immigration.

'Ladies and gentlemen of the press...what is your verdict?'

Extinction imminent

'You've got bad news? Hey, that's good news!'

RIP journalism

'Congressman, the country is going to Hades in a handbasket. What are you going to do?'

"Hold the front page!"

Taser incident.

Local News in Heaven

'The financial crisis is unlikely to worry me: I lay a new Golden Egg every day...'

'I looted this television, can I swop it for some gift vouchers...?'

"Funny - I still feel like we're broke!"

Water-main break - "Very serious." - The Times

'Do you want the BBC news? Or news about the BBC?'

'That's not the news, I left my video game on,'

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

"Many, many news cycles ago..."

A Second Stimulus is Coming,