Local News Buff Pillows

"And in local news, somebody pooped on the Jenkins' lawn again."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"They grow up so fast."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Taking Credit after Voting against Stimulus

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

Our Two Parties, Explained

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

DUNVOTIN

Europe and immigration.

Local News in Heaven

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

Rock and a Hard Place

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

Newspaper suicide.

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

Bush and his exit 'strategery'

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

The boy who cried Wolf Blitzer,

Flake News

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

Ian Hislop

"That does it! ISIS is defeated."

"I'm a stable genius!"

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

Redacted Funnies: "Finally, the President blurted out what the country knew all along. . . . . . "

Weditorials

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"