Local News Lover Pillows

'You're thinking of standing for the local council? But would they stand for you?'

Wifi in Hell

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

Flake News

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

Which One is Pulling Out?

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

"Someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the street. But today, expect occasional sprinkles."

Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.

"And in local news, somebody pooped on the Jenkins' lawn again."

'Honey! Hurry and help me bar the door! I saw a bunch of rowdy senior citizens in parrot masks down by the arena!'

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'We interrupt this Congressional scandal to bring you the following White House scandal....'

The Original Information Superhighway

"And, in suburban news, construction of the new, attached four-season solarium at 6870 Evercrest Drive continued amid the silent, seething envy of the neighbors."

'I'd heard that they like to source their food locally'

Double Rose Bowl

Frank's Butcher Shop. Ernie's Bakery. Starbux Coffee. It hasn't been the same since the candlestick maker went out of business.

Don

Shop Local

"Damnit, when you have bad news just give me the bad news."

'What's the old saying...'

'How very Putney!'

Get Off My Sidewalk

Small and Decrepit

'Edith, guess what!!!...Our new neighbour is a doctor!!'

"People worry that there aren't any journalists to cover local issues anymore. But I reckon that's just another example of fake news."

"I don't like the news. It's like they know what scares me."

Fur Flies

'Guess who's got his picture in the paper.'

'We don't get any channels, but we pick up what's going on in 79 neighborhood homes.'

Presidential campaign.

'...and now the weather.'

Lake Wobegon