Local News Pillows

E-Mailing over the Garden Fence

"And, in suburban news, construction of the new, attached four-season solarium at 6870 Evercrest Drive continued amid the silent, seething envy of the neighbors."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

"Someday a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the street. But today, expect occasional sprinkles."

Lake Wobegon

Health Advisory: Flint Water has lead, Ann Arbor water has dioxane.

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Flake News

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"We've been campaigning for years to encourage central government to delegate more powers to local authorities..."

Right Here

Up-to-the-minute reporting from our man on the street.

"And in local news, somebody pooped on the Jenkins' lawn again."

The Original Information Superhighway

'I'd take that with a pinch of salt if I thought the council could spare any.'

'Notice to clear vegetation' hacks his way through garden using a machete.

' I don't know what all the fuss is about. I'm barred from the White house too. And the Copple house, the Black bull, the Prince George, the Farmer's arms...'

"Welcome to New Jersey, the 'What is that smell?' state."

'Edith, guess what!!!...Our new neighbour is a doctor!!'

Woman over garden fence: 'I've invented some new gossip I'd like circulating.'

"I don't like the news. It's like they know what scares me."

"People worry that there aren't any journalists to cover local issues anymore. But I reckon that's just another example of fake news."

'Guess who's got his picture in the paper.'

'We don't get any channels, but we pick up what's going on in 79 neighborhood homes.'

"Whose idea was it to defund the sanitation department?"

"Good to see they're finally doing something about that."

'So we've put the bin out ten minutes early, it's not as if the council will know...'

'You're thinking of standing for the local council? But would they stand for you?'

'Gossip now updated every five minutes.'

Young people have no voice in this matter.

'I didn't know he was a drinker until he arrived home sober one day.'