Number Buff Pillows

"I don't really have a favourite. I love you both equally."

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

Great Moments in Computing #192: Newton discovers the computer.

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'You're not really that much help, Ben.'

'It's the Secretary-General of the United Nations -- are you here?'

'It was great seeing you again Terry, we must do wildebeest sometime.'

'Look at those arms! I was born to ride a Harley Davidson!'

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't flirting with you – I was checking my phone."

Early Bird Gets the Worm/Night Owl Does the Worm

'Once I got the cold fusion problem out of the way, the rest was easy!'

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'CANNONBALL!!' - Whale tours.

'I'm collecting goat poop for my strawberries.' 'I always put cream and sugar on mine.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

Hysterically laughing monster.

Mr Jefferson Brick Proposes a Toast at the 'Rowdy Journal' Offices

'Hey - It says here, we're related!'

"Oh Goodie, more snow."

"I'm thinking of giving up yoga! Yesterday my lotus position turned into a cauliflower!"

"Consider yourself chased."

'Are we there yet?'

'McWit, I'd like to talk to you about your blood classification system.'

Natural selection.

tiger strangling snakes

How can you be so sure this is Farmer Phillip's Farm?

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'