Number Buff Pillows

"I don't really have a favourite. I love you both equally."

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

Great Moments in Computing #192: Newton discovers the computer.

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

'You're not really that much help, Ben.'

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't flirting with you – I was checking my phone."

'Look at those arms! I was born to ride a Harley Davidson!'

'It's the Secretary-General of the United Nations -- are you here?'

Early Bird Gets the Worm/Night Owl Does the Worm

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

'Once I got the cold fusion problem out of the way, the rest was easy!'

'It was great seeing you again Terry, we must do wildebeest sometime.'

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

'I'm collecting goat poop for my strawberries.' 'I always put cream and sugar on mine.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'CANNONBALL!!' - Whale tours.

"The doc says I won't even make it another 45 years."

Mr Jefferson Brick Proposes a Toast at the 'Rowdy Journal' Offices

"Oh Goodie, more snow."

'Are we there yet?'

"I'm thinking of giving up yoga! Yesterday my lotus position turned into a cauliflower!"

Two gamers play in a game arcade near a machine titled; 'Get a life'.

'Hey - It says here, we're related!'

"Consider yourself chased."

Hysterically laughing monster.

'McWit, I'd like to talk to you about your blood classification system.'

Natural selection.

tiger strangling snakes

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

How can you be so sure this is Farmer Phillip's Farm?