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"I know, I know. I already got your text, your email, and that robocall on the home phone."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"They grow up so fast."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

Obsession with the Internet.

DUNVOTIN

Europe and immigration.

Local News in Heaven

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

Battery Lighthouse

Rock and a Hard Place

"Well, if you didn't do anything in North Korea, then why do they keep launching missiles at us?"

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Newspaper suicide.

Cross-country runners picking up water and spare batteries.

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

'Mr. President, I have a question, where's the mens' room?'

Bush and his exit 'strategery'

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

"... And in Canada today ... nothing happened."

"Remember, Mort: Courage isn't the absence of fear. Courage is remaining media-savvy in the face of fear!"

"Very few people are aware that the 'New York Times' Sunday crossword puzzle is contagious."

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

Redacted Funnies: "Finally, the President blurted out what the country knew all along. . . . . . "

"I'm a stable genius!"

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

Punch Magazine - "You've got a circulation problem."

"I hope you're not reading fake news."